Things I'm grateful for today:

1. Christmas music
2. Cinnamon scented pine cones (when you don't live anywhere near pinecones)
3. The smell of food cooking in the kitchen
4. The love of animals -- unconditional and giving in every way (except when they have food on the brain.)
5. Healthy houseplants and the adventure of watching them grow and spread
6. Running water and electricity
7. The comfort of home -- the cushion of the chairs and couch and bed of home, the scents and sounds
8. Quiet
9. The love of my kids and their giving natures
10. Wind to blow through and change the landscape, little by little

Today's Gratitude

I'm thankful for:

1. The rain that slowly, almost invisibly falls from the sky today, feeding the plants and increasing the water table so we have more to drink.
2. The changing color of the leaves. I didn't know if they would change at this altitude but they are -- yellow and red and shades of orange. Beautiful.
3. My son has found a good friend and companion who seems to share similar values.
4. A computer to use to type this
5. That I have a job today, even if it's tenuous and insecure, today, right at this moment, I have a job and a source of income.
6. A husband who loves me with all his heart and who is a positive, upbeat and Godfearing example to me. A true inspiration who I love so very, very deeply and hope to soon be able to freely express the depth of my love without reserve for his sake and for mine.
7. A God who loves me so deeply that he wants me to be happy and secure in all that I do and all that I am.
8. A warm house to enjoy this beautiful fall day.
9. Inspiration to start my own business and the common sense to do it right
10. The heart to help people without the motivation of money or gain. Simply to have the desire to make a difference as a human being who cares.

Gratitude

My friend says that all prayer should begin with praise and gratitude for my lord, Jesus Christ. Then if there is time left, I should pray for others, and if there is still more time left, I can pray for myself. It's important to note that prayers for myself are last in line since they are not important -- because God already knows what I need.

I am touched by knowing that God is in charge. Everything is in his control and the more I try to control it, the more he must stand back. To have a life free of anxiety and worry, I have to let go of the steering wheel and let the Lord guide. It's so hard because I'm scared to let go, afraid of where it will take me. But my friend said that it's just like a horse in a blizzard. If you just let go of the reigns, no matter how lost you are, the horse will lead you back home.

I'm letting go of the reigns. I want to know where God will lead -- I want to find HOME.

Time for Change

I need to break free from the way I grew up and look for the good in things. It's clear that I am perpetuating my family views on life and it's simply not acceptable. They are poverty minded and limited in their thinking on so many levels. If my kids have any chance of breaking free from that oppression and insecurity I need to change so they have an example to follow. And, I want to. I really want to. I deserve to be happy, and to do that I need to look for the blessings not the problems. With the help of a couple good, spiritually awake friends I intend to overcome this old life and be new...joyful and happy. Not only that, but I need to treat my body with respect and lose this weight that bogs me down and get in shape. I can't stand seeing my body in the mirror, so why not change that too while I'm working on the rest? It's time and I'm ready.